Doubt

I don’t know anymore.

People like me with the perfectionist personality are always trying to be right. We analyse things from afar before we make decisions. We’re risk averse. We don’t do things spontaneously. That would be out of character. We analyse every scenario and every possible event before we leap into a situation.

It’s a curse sometimes.

Planning out a life is not what I wanted to do. It’s hard to predict intangible things like emotions. It’s even harder to predict people. You can of course predict their actions, but not their emotions and their thoughts.

One misstep and you ruin a friendship. You break someone’s trust.

I don’t always want to know what others think of me. I just hope it’s favorable.

I’m too young to be living in an adult reality even though it’s drawing ever so close. I try to not have regrets. They are minor.

I miss some things in the past but I like to look at a better future.

I’m still trying to predict people. I’m trying to estimate their emotions. Trying to quantify their feelings.

I feel a bit lost. I don’t feel human. I feel isolated.

Like a man on his own island surrounded by the creations from his mind.

Trust is a resource that I don’t squander. It’s as precious as a rare material and I don’t give it out easily.

I’m a closed book. A puzzle you have to decrypt to find more answers.

I’m trapped.

I’m lacking empathy and I’m slowly on a path to absolute apathy.

I don’t know anymore. I have doubts.

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