You Don’t Know Me (A Personal Essay)

I’m the guy you think you’ve got figured out.

I’m the quiet one. The one that keeps to himself. The one who speaks when spoken to and least likely to start a conversation.

I’m the one who people thinks is “weird” because of the solemn and introvert demeanor.

“Why are you so quiet? Why don’t you talk a lot? What are you thinking about?”

I’m the guy who people asks favors for and gladly obliges because I’m trying to make you feel better. Because helping others helps me.

Going the extra mile, not thinking about my problems. Because my problems are complex. Problems I only tell to a therapist.

I’m the guy who girls ask favors for, but not really the one you want as your boyfriend. Nice and sweet guy, but not the boyfriend type.

A good kid who grew up in a cruel world still trying to do good. A good kid who the cruel world takes advantage of. Not caring about feelings, but of it’s own personal way.

I’m the guy who stands on the sidelines at house parties because I don’t dance. And also because I hate crowds.

A geek who writes poetry. A tech nerd.

I’m the guy you don’t give a fuck about till you need something. Then I jump to the top of your call list.

I’m the guy who questions faith and wonders whether this world was created by my an omnipresent God and wonders if we’ve all been duped by religion.

I’m the one who doesn’t display emotions on his sleeves as if he doesn’t care.

Yep, I’m that guy.

The no name in high school. The one you forgot about because he wasn’t memorable. The one you have to remember when he does something tragic and it ends up on the news.

Society says I’m different. A square stuck in a circle. The one who doesn’t conform and go along with the trends.

I don’t like this world. But then again, I love it.

This world has dragged through some tough shit. But then it cleaned me up and showed me so many cool and beautiful stuff. It hugged me.

Then it stabbed me in the back, broke my heart and didn’t pay attention to me. Then it opened up and I let it back into my life.

It’s an abusive relationship. A relationship that will last till I die.

I pay so much attention to everybody else. Nobody pays attention to me.

You think you know me. You think you know what goes in my head. You wish you did.

You think you know me. You don’t know me. I don’t even know myself.

Misery loves company. But what happens when you fall in love with misery.

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