I’ve realized I lost control.
The younger years were spent trying to do things for others. Trying to “fit” in.
Then one day you realize you never related to anyone. All the small talk was just small talk. No deep connection. Just small talk.
My moral obligations are to God.
My logic side finds that absurd. There is no God.
I’m infighting with my two side. The voices in my head will never be quiet.
But I’m not lost. I know what I want.
No more losing control. My reputation will not take a hit. But I have to stop giving fucks. It’s unhealthy. Trying to make you happy when I’m sick to the point of death.
I’m cutting ties. This is a second attempt to leave my own shell.
I want my own path. I need to make my own mistakes.
I have to live in my own world. If I have to live in it by myself. I’ll take it.
At least I will have my own control.